sandracaskey

Empty eyes stared back at me. Their hazel color engulfed by an internal darkness. Blue circles underneath highlighted them. Dull, ebony hair slashed like whips in the gales produced from the approaching storm. Charcoal clouds stacked upon each other thickened the atmosphere, suffocating of me. Droplets plummeted from them. They penetrated the water, leaving echoing ripples. They started sporadically and then the downpour came. The calm image before me vibrated away. My distraught appearance sank into the bottom. The remaining pieces of me were the sparse colors I wore. My clothing flattened against my skin. I rose my chin toward the sky. Rain splashed upon my face, brushing my hair passed my ears. A sensation crept up my spine and pinched my skull’s base. I felt myself wash away with the rain. The rain struck my core, stripping the decay. Weight was lifted from me, and I erected myself. Thunder clapped within the clouds as lilac lightning veined its way through the mass. I bellowed

It’s during those times when an empty room Seems so crowded. The echoes reverberate off each other That a pillow over the head can’t subdue it. It’s feeling alone in a public place, where you’re swarmed by others. The bustling and rapid movements that jar you. Perhaps, you’ll be snatched from the entrapment That coincides from within you. All I know is, whenever I feel you, I know I am safe. Your arms are like the warmth our bodies create between the sheets. The home I sought when nights became dangerous, And I created shelter beneath my stuffed animal mountain. It’s our hideaway when the world fails us for a day, Where our conversations soothes the voices inside. For once, we feel whole…

You were beside me within the crowd Your existence faded into the noisy ocean, Where loneliness dragged me into the unknown A cold hand slipped into mine, returning me to reality I freed my hand and stared in bewilderment It was yours, but you had become a stranger |S.L.B|

I can feel his presence from behind me. His stature towers me. His shadow stretches along the ground, consuming the little bit that I produced. The outline of his hair whips in the wind, acting like snakes ready to snatch their prey. His neck is wide, shoulders broad, his shadow presenting his strength. He is larger than I am—a complete understatement. My adult self returned to a childish persona that hides beneath a blanket, away from the Boogeyman. Out here in society, I cannot escape the Boogeyman. He trails me throughout my days. Quiet, haunting, and threatening. Close, never far, awaiting the day I fall into vulnerability. He will remind how fragile my existence is, how weak my scars make me, how frail my mind is. The horrors that reside within me will be brought to light. Displayed like the attractions at a freak show. How can someone be created with more scars than skin? However, I am not alone. I see the others. We are forever stalked by the entities. Each one unique

My trauma lies bone deep: The Angels sent down for my protection Ended up being Demons designed for my torment  Hopes of heavy showers baptizing my infection Were firestorms streaming blazing tears Embers blackened my environment A world once envisioned of enchanting beings Displayed the truth I endured for decades— I latched, I tossed, I abandoned what I feared Was portraying a masquerade from my own misery I’m not perfect, but I never wanted perfection Just one touch that lingers a little too long Satisfaction that my life’s game had an end and Death was heaven hidden behind what fueled fear I ran, I fought, I killed what I didn’t see as my salvation Declare my trials have a meaning! Fool me thrice, so the shame burns as I expel burdens Rage the war against the terrors that crippled me into a skeleton Ignite me with Hope’s and Desires and resurrect my Passion Allow me to burn with the love I had never lost Even when grooming and manipulation didn’t bury me In the

Howl into the night, project hidden troubles Toward the skies, into vibrant sheet of stars Draping the dome that guards us Cry prayers to the moon, allow her alabaster shimmer Lighten your skins glow as if you are the ghost Who travels miles across dead lands To find the purest soul awaiting the morning light You are the moon's child, raised in the pale evening Familiar with the monochrome scheme but its Brilliancy is unlike any other When the sun rises its lustrous sheen beckons The world to relinquish its truth Colors unseen by you when the moon slips from view Rest as light strokes the earth’s crevices Your troubles will be razed as your prayers are heard You may not have sight of the light, but it welcomes you You are the moon’s child, but you are loved even when it’s not blood Whatever chrome you reside within, you are not alone

Steam coats the surrounding surfaces. The scorching water raining down on me. It’s what brings life to my pale skin. I am chained to the piping, rattling echoes into the walls. I don’t tug. I don’t fight. I steep in the boiling water. Here, I am alone, breathless, stumbling around inside my head. The thoughts as excruciating as my thrashing. The whips lined with toxin, a small tear spreads the illness. I wish not to be alone. I wish those around me, wading through their own trials could stand beside me. My thoughts plastered a façade I could not distinguish. Those I had convinced to join my trial were chained in my position, suffering in my fiery rain. I watched them shrivel. I watched them beg for release. But a girl so custom to the torment, could not dare to be alone. Why must she dwell in her illness without someone else? With my thoughts as my company, I accept my faults and pray for forgiveness. No one wavered such pain and neither did I. Those that controlled my childhood, I

I watch as your lips move, but I cannot hear you Static downpours from your mouth, the fizzy sound burrowing in my ears It’s mind numbing, panic inducing, when will this be through? I cannot comprehend the words you are saying My roots may have the Earth in their grasp, but I am hollow I was carved out for a perfect image, for emotions are too damning Your scrambled words rain onto me; I soak up your toxicity They deteriorate my integrity and flood my hollow core An undesired weight placed upon me causes me to shrivel I rot inside out, my image crumbling beneath you My foundation is too soiled by your acid rain For me to heal, I must be uprooted For you cannot heal in a diseased place

Frozen tears in the arctic winds Brought about from a cold heart Ice picks hammered into the skull Tear into mountains of emotions Paralyzed in hypothermia Blue lips, purple skin, and white fingers Half alive within the winter storms Wondering lost until found Amongst the arctic grounds of a desolate place Hope lies within a serene warmth

I patiently waited within a white walled room. I rubbed my palms together and tangled my fingers. I pressed each tip together until they whitened and released. I was waiting for my next trial. Time felt as if it stood still and during the absent minutes, I forgot to blink. I gawked forward, gentle breathing though my mouth. I focus on each inhale, the subtle pause, and the exhale. Waiting for something that would not stay. Above me the fluorescent light flickered. Its hue echoed off the cracked tile. I swayed with it, ignoring those that questioned my off rhythm. My heart’s beat dancing delicately. We waited for someone to give us a chance. A sterile odor lingered in the space. I imagined a musk in its place, sweetness sprinkled about it. It aided my escape from the walls I signed myself into. It’s insane thinking about it; this started with a bracelet. And to look at that bracelet was a step back into darkness. |S.L.B|